Saturday, December 28, 2013

It’s not often

in this life that we get to meet people we connect with immediately, people who are so familiar it feels like they’ve been in our lives forever, even when they’ve only just walked in.

Maybe we are meant to meet them. Maybe we share a unique bond with them. Or maybe these people themselves are special, and everyone who meets them feels this way.

I don’t know shit about it, really, but I do know that when those people walk in, it’s fucking stupid to let them walk back out again.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

How I Feel

I feel that we were very close, for a while, that you let me in and showed me what was in your head and in your heart. That you were one of my most precious friends, and perhaps that you still are.

I feel like you've left that behind, like you don’t want to be so close to me anymore.

I don’t mean to assume or to imply this is how you feel; I recognise it may not be. I seek only to communicate how I feel, how your action—inaction—affects me. Is that selfish? Perhaps.

I feel there is little space for me in your life now, that I am relegated to the lower class of distant friends, or fonder acquaintances. I don’t write this as judgement. This is okay. But I am ever curious as to why…do you no longer need me as a friend? Is your life full enough without me, like a home in need of a good clean-out? Is the reason more sinister—did you fear I would fall for you? Or feel guilty that you would not fall for me?

There is no need for you to answer these questions. If you remember me at all, then you know I do not expect—nor want—you to explain yourself to me. Ever. I acknowledge I am asking about things that hide in a space I can no longer visit and never sought to occupy.

I wrote this to send to you. Instead, I post it here, where you can pretend it is not for you—I do not wish to trouble your mind, nor to burden you more than I already have.

I love you anyway, friend. And you can’t change this, for I do not choose who I love, only how.

Monday, December 02, 2013

You could tell me what's on your mind…

Or you could just go on ignoring me, limiting our conversations to one-liners, single words, empty sounds to fill the growing space between us. Sideways glances and averted eyes where once we saw eye-to-eye.

You could avoid me so you don’t have to think about it. So you don’t have to acknowledge that feeling I can’t interpret (and maybe you can’t, either, but at least I have a reason).

Maybe I’ll eventually get the hint; maybe I’ll accept you’ve departed, my friend—gone for good. After all, nothing proves the absence of love like the presence of dishonesty.

Or maybe I won’t assume. Maybe I’ll go on thinking the best of you, waiting patiently for you wreck me instead.