Monday, February 20, 2012


You're everywhere. Everywhere I look and everywhere I go, it's you. You're all there is. Everything is you. You've pervaded my every sense like Coelho's Zahir. Like the finest sand, you filter through the gaps and fill me up until I can't breathe. My every waking moment is you, and you are in my dreams. You are the twinkle in my eye, the crinkled corner of my mouth when I smile and the shaking, quaking belly laughter that rocks my whole body in the wake of your joke. You are the heart that beats in my stillness and the voice that roars in my head. You are the heady heat of summer, all blood-rushed and dizzying; you are the soft comfort of a favourite blanket, a red wine slowly savoured in a warm bath. You seep into my skin like an essential oil, rich, aromatic and sweet, soothing but never cloying. I write you into my stories because that's the safest place for you. There I can meet you, yet you remain untouched. There I can touch you, yet you remain unmoved. There I can move you, yet you remain. A shiver down my spine in the chill of dawn…your touch is sacred. My lamb, I slaughtered you in a faraway land, and still you haunt me. You go on, always. Always inside me, always outside. From the moment you first heard my words, I saw you would follow until the end of days. You have not left me; you never left me. Fluttering, obsessed with the fire that burns you, you seek ice floes to cool your fleshly desire and fear not to drown. In this absence I feel your presence, more keenly than before, more tangibly, more insistently, like a child that tugs at my sleeve, willing me to provide that sweet, sweet candy that is mine alone to give. Dare you taste it? Dare I let you? I never did, claiming that I feared for you; I see my blindness now. I feared for me, for love, for that everlasting road that I deigned not to tread. My legs are strong after climbing to mountainous heights and tripping into canyons beyond; do you remember walking with me? Many were drawn to my flame; only you could see its extent and not fear it. Now you fan that flame, a gentle evening breeze that feeds me. Now you are that flame, wild and untamed; you consume me.

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